Although there is possibly a time line in which I have experienced, learned and arrived at my current viewpoints, it is a rather difficult task to sort it all out and put it into a sequence. Hence I'm going to go with my inner flow and begin with something, even if it's not "in line" with that silly notion of time.
I must say, that the thoughts I hope to publish here are residing in my brain, however not all of them have been born there. I intend absolutely no plagiarism and will naturally quote sources wherever I am aware of them.If I happen to omit one and my readers realize it, please know that It is an oversight and not done so on purpose. I will correct such oversights if and when it is needed and most importantly pointed out to me.
The main reason for this blog is that my head cannot possibly hold all the information I have gathered in the last 40 or so years and I have not enough people to share my thoughts with, because some of them (the thoughts) are quite "out there" and perhaps a bit whacky, (let's be frank, I would run the horrible risk of becoming friendless within 2 weeks if I unloaded onto my dear friends) I have learned not to alienate folks too much, when I pick my kids up from school, where I'll talk about "regular stuff". However, this all creates this backlog in my head that is by now screaming for release - Paper (or virtual paper) is quite patient I heard and many things have been written way ahead of their time (oh fool me ?). Based on that premise I have now gotten into the spot of courage (or call it desperation?) from which I will let the thoughts flow that reside within me. ..... watch out...
It is my vision that after my initial posts, comments will come forth and I could see myself entertaining some questions as well. Mainly, I hope for a dialogue through comments and bring this blog into it's very own state of flow.
As a last disclaimer, I would like to say that as a teenager, I've decided to abdictate any form or formal religion and seek my own way to what is termed "enlightenment" (big word, vastly misunderstood). I am not affiliated with anyone or anything. What you will read hereafter are my very own perceptions and understanding of "how things are...work...flow... react...etc." I will draw from everything I've learned in this lifetime and from glimpses beyond the veil as well for which the only "proof" is your own experience. I ask you to only take to heart whatever resonates within yourself as "right" or "true" and to kindly leave the rest to the depth of virtual bloggerspace. I have experienced a lot of attack on my views in the past, and hope that with a sense of curiosity and lack of prejudice and judgment, I can keep my blog peaceful and informative. I do not intend to change anyone's mind, but you may find that it changes on its own.
Onward then, done with disclaimers and explanations - ready for the first real tidbit.
The old wisdom traditions say that the world you experience is your own creation. That strictly speaking, you could influence your reality at a moment's notice. A world of "infinite possibilities" it has been termed by Deepak Chopra for example.
I find that to be very true. Truer than I would like it to be. I've experienced many a time the miracle of a wish fulfilled, when the reality shifts and brings you that wonderful person into your life and you go down the list you had prepared while seeking him... point by point, it's all there - yes he's truly fulfilling each and every point that you were so absolutely sure, the perfect mate should have... well, yes, he has them ALL ... more than you bargained for ! Always turns out that way, it's so infinitely HUMBLING. So what went wrong then ? How could it be, that the Universe "gave" you this person, the one fitting all the points on your list and all you experience after the initial state of bliss is pain?... hmmmm....
It is said that only through pain, do we learn. Well, it's about time I'd learned then - for after boiling my last relationship disaster down to its essence, and compared it to the rest of my not so favored experiences in life - I finally found the common denominator. PAIN....
So many of my wishes did come true, too many that I could honestly say that I don't actively create my experience of this world. I often wondered what those sticks are that got magically thrown into the spokes of my turning wheels and brought many a situation to a screeching halt - over and over again ? - Different players, same story, so to speak.
Just recently, I gave it one more mighty push. I meditated for a while, felt really in tune and aligned with my higher self. It's a warm fuzzy, but also powerful feeling to be in this state. I said to myself: "ok - list up all the things you would like to see in your world" - it was quite a big list. It included material things, it included emotional states, it included healthy and happy kids - you know the whole shebang. So i had this list and felt very good about it. What an achievement. I was able to focus my mind on my next creation and so i envisioned my new world with all my might, intent and open heart, for no-one to be harmed by my creation. So it began....
The very next day - it is said that the more you are aligned with your higher self, the quicker things manifest - I was put to the test. EVERYTHING went wrong - first my emotions were pummeled by my out of control teenager, who did an amazing job at hurting my emotions for hours. Then I realized that I needed a break and went to mow my lawn. I started the mower and pulled out the starter cable in one swift motion - to find my hand hitting the wooden play structure hard. Tears rolled down my face by now, it really hurt and thankfully the noise of the lawnmower swallowed any curses that came out of me. So i had my emotions pummeled, my body hurt and I was quite a wreck already.
My lovely daughter had meanwhile recovered a bit from her drama, just to begin talking to me incessantly. There was nothing I felt I could do to make her stop - My brain started to hurt like crazy and I feared going somewhat insane. I took another time-out and retreated to my room. I stood there, flabberghasted and let review pass - This day had been totally insane. I got hurt so bad and all I wanted was for it to stop. I was clearly at a breaking point and desperately cried out to the Universe: "This is too strange, what is going on???" I do not know why It took me 49 years to find out about my mistake, but hey, time is an illusion, so the very moment you find your epiphany, that's a good moment in my book. The message that came so clearly to me after having asked the pertinent question was: "you believe that the physical world is one of pain, hence you can only experience it as one of pain."
Trust me, I sat down somewhat shellshocked at that humbling epiphany. There I was, trying to cover up my experience of pain in the physical world with nifty creations of reality - to find that the very core of my experience on the physical plane is messed up. In order for my beautiful new creations to manifest, my base idea of this physical world has to change...
Here I am now, faced with this world where I can look around and carve out things of beauty to be grateful for, to take in as pleasurable, yet the essence, the root of the problem is that my innermost belief cries out: Watch out, there's pain to be experienced here !....
I am realizing something deep. There are these things out there, books, tapes, courses and all that New Age Jazz, where you are supposedly taught to learn how to create things. How to shape your reality. And I also realize that these things, that are wonderful in their approach, are but bandaids. I am making the mental connection to the orthodox drugs that don't really heal the sick, but make the symptoms go away - for a time, but the core illness stays the same. Since I'm in the alternative healing field, I will bring in concepts that I have learned there.
One of these concepts is the direction of cure. If something is on the way to real cure, which involves not only the going away of outer symptoms, but clearly a state of increased overall health, there are certain signs that can be seen on the outside, which indicate this "direction of cure". The ideal direction of cure is from within to without. That means at the beginning, outer, smaller symptoms do not go away right away, but the health comes from deep within, from the core of the human being. Then, it can be compared with the ripple of a pebble tossed into a still water, the effect, the movement of the healing energy goes outward and eventually the outer symptoms disappear, leaving the organism healthier than before.
With this knowledge in my mind, I could not avoid looking at what I had done for the past 25 years or so of New Age "activity"... the "Love and Light - Movement" as I call it, has wonderful amazing bandaids - drugs - whatever you choose to call it. And yes, I was part of that movement too and hadn't understood a thing as I'm finding out now. All the "Love and Light" in the world will not create a better world, because it's only a bandaid. The world ails deeply. The world is experienced as painful by many people. It has to, because look at the world we are creating - as a collective !.... it's one of pain, which is the opposite of pleasure. Those are the base drives of human kind. It's either pain, which we don't want or it's pleasure which we want. It's as simple as that. However we're trying to put images (bandaids) of pleasure onto a world of pain. There's something deeply wrong with this picture, at least for me.
Ideally, the cure of the world (yes I know, I'm thinking way big here) has to come from humanity. Humanity cannot hope to cure a world that it believes to be painful. Instead, the cure has to come from the core - the core being that my belief as that of many others is based on my experience here, it's one of pain - not always, but overall, it's the only permanent recurring essential experience I can see. Since the world is my mirror, the world I see (which is of course not the same you see), is a reflection of my beliefs, it is up to me (and each one of you who feels drawn to it) to change that core belief. A paradigm shift is needed, a shift in essential belief from pain to pleasure. It's the same energy anyways, being that they are a pair of polar opposite points connected by one energy line.
I'm getting really excited at the possibiliy here, which I will have to achieve first of course before I could even try to convince anyone, but it's quite sound logically I believe, and also in line with one of the fundamental principles of health - the direction of cure.
Before I can hope to dive into talking about the actual paradigm shift that I feel is needed not only for my own personal life, but for the planet at large, I want to speak of what I know about polarity. In this earthly experience, the One has chosen to identify itself through the means of polar opposites. True recognition is gleaned from this system and I find it uncanny but in its own way really ingenious. The understanding I have of this world of polarities is the following:
Each and every thing has its polar opposite. Everything we experience, we can experience on either side of the polar see-saw, or on different degrees along the imaginary beam of energy that makes the see-saw a see-saw. Midway between either extreme is the pivotal point of balance. At this point (physics can easily confirm this) is inertia. In order to have movement, the see-saw needs to tip one way or the other. In this way, inertia is overcome and motion is created. With motion comes energy flow and energy flow is life. The understanding of that life came for me through the understanding of Sir Newton's 3rd law of motion: "Action and Reaction are Equal (in force) and Opposite (in direction)"
If you desire a more nerdy explanation, you can link to Wikipedia's page:
Don't worry, I am not going to dive into a physics lesson at this point. Dear Isaac figured this out a while back and I am applying this daily in my work as a Homeopath, where energy follows the very same physical principle. Just that the "action" can also be energetic and not only physical. Ever since I can remember to think, I have been drawn to figure out the spiritual implications of everything around me. It is therefore just a hop, skip and a wee jump to assume that this law, which is so central to the healing method I use, drew me in and I just had to find out what it's implications were on a spiritual level.
For me, it is rather easy to jump out of my skin (almost literally) and dive into my Self and experience everything around me on an energetic level. Yes, I have been called "helium balloon" very often, but it's ok, once an airhead, always an airhead With this "skill" I have learned that the action of this law of motion can be anything - a simple thought can propel energy into a direction and cause a ripple effect that very soon gets so large that one's mind cannot logically think through all the implications it has. Just to then get a reaction equal in force in the opposite direction. Once I figured this out, the next step was to fully and wholeheartedly agree with the Eastern traditions that say: Meditate! ... Quiet the Mind! ... Yes ! I agree ! Only with a quiet mind can we begin to hope to have any guided and directed influence on the world. Just imagine this for a moment, each thought from every person on the planet creating a ripple that runs unhindered through the fabric of creation and causes a reaction of equal strength in opposite direction and I imagine, you'll begin to meditate on the spot out of sheer necessity. It becomes a no-brainer !
Of course that is easier said than done, I had a very active loudly chattering mind in my youth, I began meditating and quieting this mind of mine down way ahead of these revelations caused by Sir Newton's law and the mind boggling implications. I did that out of sheer necessity not to go insane. Each morning, I would wake up and it felt like "just put a match to me and i'll go off like a rocket" - yes, it was that busy in my head. Now, luckily, it has quieted down to long periods of "nothing" unless i truly focus my attention on something of my choice. Life has gotten perhaps a bit more boring through this, but I certainly do feel a wee bit less responsible for the chaos out there.
To sum it up, every little thing has it's polar opposite. They are buddies, they co-exist, they define each other. So if something is experienced as painful (see my earlier posts), it has inherently the potential to be pleasurable, because it is in essence the same energy, inert at the balance point of the see-saw and split into the polar opposite experiences on either end. Recognition, awareness and thus expanded consciousness of anything involves one point of the polar duo versus the other.
Without this polarity, there would not be the experience and understanding. All would be one happy blob of oneness, undivided, unexplored, static, inert. In order for that oneness to find out about itself, so goes my theory, the system of polarity was set in place and a myriad of sparks (us) of the One were sent out to experience all the possible "this and thats".
The concept of mirrors is a well known one. I am not aware, who came up with this analogy for the first time, but I shamelessly use it, for it works for me. To the one or many people who have thought of it initially goes my deep gratitude and recognition.
My conscious journey through this concept began in the mid to late 80s and is far from over. It was the "hip" thing of the decade I believe, but it is Universal truth in my opinion and therefore has not lost any of it's power or effect. If I start at the premise that my soul has clad itself in this body, to experience the physical world, to find out more about itself, to gain recognition, awareness and consciousness, then lo and behold, the concept of mirrors has been the most helpful tool - like EVER!...
This concept can be used for anything really. Interaction with the world around you will bring more than enough fodder for learning to recognize who you are, what you are, what you are doing. Literally, the universe is set up to provide you this exquisite experience on an ongoing basis- free of charge (well almost). It is tailored to your unique needs, it is fail safe and fool proof. Some of my readers know exactly what I am talking about, for the others, I will expand a bit further.
The concept goes as follows: Everything you experience, and I do mean literally everything, is a reflection of WHO you are at any given time. So look around and see yourself, reflected back at you - good and bad - all of it is you (especially the things you deny on the spot as "that can't possibly be me") The greater the aversion you experience against something, the more you can bet everything you own on it, it is a reflection of you, you're just not ok with accepting this that way. Oh, it's a fun little exercise to go through all the nice things we experience. Our egos are very eager to pile up the good things in our baskets of "that's me".... Go ahead, get your fill, all the fun, good, nice, benevolent traits, that are you - I bet there are tons of them. Now, just for the sake of balance (My birth chart has libra rising after all), for the sake of justice (libra again), for the sake of experience or sheer curiosity... check out all the things you totally despise, you absolutely abhor and also those things you claim that you NEVER ever would be that way.... look at them, list them up and try me out on this, allow yourself to say: That's me too! - I am that too ! ...and that .... and that as well... and that !... that's ME!
Yeah, I know, it's a lot to swallow, some things are just so horrible that it may take a while to allow it even into our thoughts. You have now allowed yourself to raise your awareness (of yourself) and that's so cool!
If you observe your next few days a bit closer, you will find that some things just don't irritate you as much anymore. It is exactly because you have accepted them to be who you are, it's integrated, you don't need the quirky reminder of "irritation" any longer. Life has just gotten a bit easier, hasn't it ?
Of course you can turn the whole concept around and make it a daily project to observe the things that irritate you. Oh, they're there... lots of them, every day, you know the mad driver that cuts you off, the road crew that tore open the brand new road that your taxes financed and force you to backtrack on your journey without prior signpost to alert you of the road block ... the check-out clerk who is as slow as they come... those are my pet peeves - still !.... So every day, the world around you gives you flashes of irritation, mirror images that haven't been accepted yet. If there are many in your life, go easy on yourself, deal with one a day - or two a day ... you know pamper yourself a bit, be kind, gentle, patient. The concept is in place your whole life, you don't have to worry, it won't ever go away.
One little word of caution regarding "Mirror Bashing" ... Sometimes the irritation is so great we tend to try and bash our mirror, try not to! a) it won't go away that way and b) you'll have the mirror shards to clean up afterwards, which is always more tedious than accepting the mirror in the first place.
I am fully aware that there are a significant amount of avid "mirror-gazers" out there already. Yesterday's post wasn't exactly the "news of the day". I felt that I needed to explain it however, just in case.
Today, I want to move ahead, a step further into a concept that may not have been explored even by those incredibly dedicated people on the path of self-discovery. If one takes a moment, to let review pass - yes, this is a time when the past comes in handy - you can take a look at everything that had an impact on your life. Look at little things that pop spontaneously into your mind. And most of all, look at the common denominator of all these past experiences you see today. If you look at the surface of these experiences, they may look like very different incidents. However if you strip the outer layers, the "how, when, with whom, the what was I wearing and OMG, what hairdo, did I really wear glasses that big?"- bits, you will find underlying the outer drama of each incident to carry a subtle, yet persistent energy. It was either pleasurable, or painful. It can take forms of pain that you may not even experience as pain, but they are pain if you look one layer deeper, for pleasure or pain (not love and fear as is commonly believed) are the base polar opposites in my opinion.
You may find "trapped and powerless" to be your pain, or "helpless and vulnerable". You may find "victimized" to be your pain or "trampled on". There are no real limits to what your personal experience of pain is. Do look for the other side too though. Look for the "free and powerful" moments, the "helpful and strong" bits, you know to balance things out and to avoid deep dark depression over all these painful memories you carry... No, it's not about pushing you into your worst nightmares and letting you sink into the dark abyss. It is about the opposite, about searching for a way to really change what you experience, for I bet, once you have found that common denominator running through all your experiences, be it in the negative, painful way, or in the positive and pleasurable way, you have knowledge that is key to altering things if you so choose.
Deepak Chopra says: "If you wish to experience a different reality, you need to shift your consciousness". I will try to explain what my understanding of this consciousness shift is. As I said above, there are no doubt many experiences in one's life holding the very same energy. Quite repetitive that whole stuff, isnt' it ? - Well I'm always one for change, but I have to admit that amidst the many changes I have initiated and followed through in my life, nothing has really changed, for the pain and pleasure I experience is still the very same as before. It has the same flavor. Mind you, some of you may like the flavor they are living with - nothing wrong with that. I am not telling anyone what they should be doing with their particular flavor. What I am saying is, if you do not like your particular flavor of pain and pleasure, then you have the means to change that. What I am also saying is, you cannot change that which you are not aware of. You cannot shift a consciousness away from one point to another if you do not know where you shift from, even though you may have tons of ideas on where to shift to - at least I do.
The actual consciousness shift is a simple exercise of training your mind (which ideally has been quieted by meditative practices) to think differently, step by step. In fact, once you are aware of your base pain/pleasure you will begin to see it in every new experience you are making and from there you can shift your consciousness each time into a new "flavor" of experience. Over time, your intent to experience something in a different way will no doubt result in a different experience. Which, you may or may not like in the end, but know that you can always repeat this shift in consciousness and thus try out the new flavors until you find one you really like. I for one never really know what I truly want, so that is a bit problematic, but in my belief, everyone can experience anything they set their heart/mind to and so I experience at least this kind of freedom to always try a new thing.
For those readers that feel my words are "cryptic" and not tangible, I must say that all I offer here is a fishing pole - not the caught fish - for each person has a different experience (type of fish to catch) and needs to go fishing for themselves if they feel like it.
The "fishing pole" can be summed up as follows:
1. Most or all your life experiences have a common energy at their base (pain or pleasure) 2. Find out what that experience/energy is, name it. 3. Identify this to be your main belief about life/this world and know that this is what shapes your experiences. 4. In order for you to experience a different reality, a shift in consciousness is necessary. The above identified belief is the point you shift FROM.
Today seems to be an exercise in recognition of what kind of pain truly hurts me - I had a conversation with someone who could only dish out their own anger and frustration of their life and project it onto me. The actual topic of the conversation was just the platform on which the play could find expression. The details don't matter. All I have is my experience to share. It is not about pointing my finger in a sense of judgment. It is about realizing what goes on within.
I felt deeply violated by the insensitivity that I was presented with. It touched deeply and I admit that it may not even have been the goal of the other person to achieve that. I am open enough to think that it was not. The feeling that lingered and reverberated through me was one of violation, because I had offered access to something that is really dear to my heart and I feared ridicule and more harsh words. This sense of being violated was in part the actual feeling, but stronger still, the fear of more, a continuation of being violated was much stronger. I fell silent, the conversation fizzled away - no need to blame anyone for my feelings, really.
I went to the kitchen, to look out the window into our back yard and saw that one of our bikes was missing, another on the grass and a strange hat was there too - Obviously a thief thought it was ok to come onto my property, open the gate to my back patio and pick and choose among 4 bikes to take one and make a get-away - leaving his hat behind. (I am assuming it was a male thief from the size and shape of the hat ...)
Another great opportunity to continue my experience of being violated today. Of going into fear. Well, strangely enough, that did not happen. The thief had come and gone. Luckily he took the crappiest bike we own, so the financial damage is minimal. I am not even torturing myself with "why didn't I lock the bikes together onto the patio post?" There is definitely a sense of "this is not right", but I do not feel personally violated over something that should most definitely cause these feelings.
So here I am, a bit stunned over the fact that I do have the feelings of being violated at something that wasn't intended to be violating, and something that hasn't even happened, yet the one real event that would give me good reason to feel violated doesn't trigger this emotion. What does that mean? -
For one I could see that the area where things are still somewhat out of balance for me are those of human interaction. That still scares me. The potential of getting hurt by human interaction is far greater than if a thief comes in the middle of the night to steal a bike off my back patio and doesn't come into contact with me. In my world, violation happens (or is feared) through direct human interaction. A very old, ingrained pattern and I am aware of its roots.
My work suddenly becomes very clear - the polar opposite of violation is obedience or respect. I like the word respect and it holds huge meaning for me. So potentially, any situation of feeling violated holds the potential of respect. It appears to me that my mirror is telling me that I do not respect myself enough and I believe that to be true, (at least some of the time). Instead of fighting over "you violated me!" - "no I did not" or worse to have to hear: "I'm sorry you chose to make yourself feel that way" which does hold some truth, but does not excuse the abusive behavior of the other person, I chose to respect my feelings of feeling violated, expressed them calmly and stopped the conversation from going further. I realize that with my actions today, I have in fact respected myself, my feelings and also the other person, as I saved us both the trouble of perpetuating the issue and creating lots of drama. Wow, lots of respect for self and others - I like that, I really do. As I type this, as I am going through this reflection of my mirror, my sense of having been violated is dissipating. It is simply fading away. The incident is not holding that sharp edge anymore, the fear of more disrespect (violation) is fading alongside. I suddenly am filled with a sense of "I like it when I respect myself."
While typing this post, I got a call back from the police department who told me that they will not get anything off the hat that was left behind (and it's for me to toss it in the garbage!)...but a desk officer will call me to take a report in the next 24-48 hours. Looks like I gained a whole lot of respect, freed up my day for not having to wait for an officer to come by whenever today and a crook got my bike and made a clean get-away hopefully for something minor. If I respect myself enough, I think there may even be a faint chance that he will return the bike once he's done "borrowing" it - I will leave the hat there for a while so that he can pick that up then.
Today, I thank all the actors and jesters in this drama for their roles and am quite happy at continuing my day of (self)respect.
Reality is a word that I can hardly understand any longer in its singular form. There is no such thing as a singular realty really. Each person has their own perception of their very own reality, at any given moment in time. (some experience even more than one reality at any given moment). This becomes confusing very quickly and I have only my own experiences and this language which is based on polarity to express it with. If I really dove into my own reality and would try to express it as accurately as possible, I'd probably would look very goofy, gesticulating and uttering unconnected words and hoping that whoever I was expressing it for would just "get" it anyways. Yes, it's that hard. Words alone have a really hard time grasping the essence of one's reality, and so does the logical mind. There is so much more involved than thought. The individual experience one's reality ranges form the various perceptions through the 5 senses, sometimes extra-sensory perceptions (meaning sensory perceptions of the "extra - outside of the 5 senses" kind) to the emotions that this causes, to the trained beliefs which are mainly thought forms to the innermost sensations that cannot be expressed logically anymore - you know that's when the gesticulating begins.
To sum it up, for each experience we have: 1. Sensory input 2. Thoughts 3. Emotions 4. Sensations
I've been asking myself: "How can I ever hope to understand this?" The easiest way for me is by becoming an unprejudiced observer. That notion also comes from my profession as a homeopath and is borrowed from Dr. Samuel Hahnemann. (Hi Sam, how's it going?) To be an unprejudiced observer means to just observe what IS. Without judging it, without any preconceived idea, belief, notion of that which is observed. That's way easier said than done, but it is possible to train such a thing, by trying very hard every day, every chance you get and feel drawn to it - to just observe. To let the impressions of the observation be what they are - impressions, without arriving to any logical conclusions about them.
At the base of this seemingly impossible task lies the humbling admission that everything I perceive, even those things that I try to just observe without prejudice, seep through a filter, my own lens so to speak, through which I look out at the world. Every human being has such a lens, such a filter. It is dense and distorts the perceptions, or it is a bit looser and allows for more clearer views of what's going on - I have the suspicion that this lens through which we view and experience the world is here to stay. That means that I'm not drawn to the idea to make the lens go away. I see it as part of how we experience our own realities - and furthermore how we can consciously create our realities that we experience.
(Be patient, that's for a later post ....I know I will talk about conscious co-creation down the line...it's in there in my head...)
Anyways, we got this lens and it is coated with our individual beliefs and experiences and through this lens we keep experiencing similar realities day in and day out. This in turn reinforces our beliefs and experiences and renews the coating on the lens ... and so on ...you get the drift!....
I mentioned that I do not believe that making the lens go away is where it's at - Instead, observing oneself and knowing what the lens is all about, what the coating is all about is more likely to be productive in ways of "enlightenment" (which means nothing more than to achieve greater awareness and that we certainly can do by observing our own reality). I thus have taken to observing pretty much everything that I experience and I have noticed certain recurring themes, trends so to speak. Some are crass and blatant - others more subtle. Some are easily traced to that one experience in elementary school for example, others tag right into the indoctrination received at Sunday school... I am certain each person has their own little bag of things they carry along (memories, remarkable incidents, indoctrinations, repetitive "talking to's" etc.). Those are the causative factors for the coating on one's lens.
It is a first step to learn to recognize the coating, link it to a likely causative event/moment and then be aware of it, for when the next reaction to a specific situation is just one more repetition (how boring really!) of how you felt when you were 10 yrs old. If it keeps happening and you observe yourself reacting with the same emotions/behaviors each time, then it is probably time to do something about it, unless you enjoy reacting as a 10 yr old would every time your reality presents you with yet another opportunity to clean your lens. For that it does - over and over and over again, we experience certain things that trigger a certain reaction. The situation which triggers us is very seldom the cause of our irritation - it is but the Universe's unending patience (yeah they got no linear time, so it's easy to be patient!) and grace to give us again and again the opportunities needed to clear the problem. (and then, since we've done such a good job, to go on to the next irritant.)
The reality around us is not only our creation, but also our mirror. Through observation of the individual reality (just a fancy word for "your very own experience of everyday life") we do look into a mirror and can begin to see the coating (quirks, idiosyncracies) of our lens - first a bit muddled but I promise it does get clearer the more one applies the simple principles I'm trying to explain.
Today's post is going to be short and sweet, mainly because the topic is a simple one.
I've written about incidents that happened to me and how I took them as clues and went on searching what they meant, but I have not spoken of how I realized that they were clues on my journey. When I look at the events described in my earlier post "An Example", it was very clear that the bike theft and the ugly communication were incidents in my life carrying the very same energy. Both had to do with transgression, with disrespect, with violation (felt or not felt). The clue is in the coincidence. When coincidences are present, you can be sure that it is a clue.
Every coincidence deserves a closer look. The more you focus on recognizing coincidences, the more you will see them pop up in your present and you will remember past coincidences. I like to stick to the present, so I let the past things be past things and move on what presents itself to me every day. I am not suggesting that you go out and become obsessed with coincidence detection or something like that. But when they do happen, do give them a closer look. Look for sameness and look for opposites that tie them into a pair. Once you realize what the underlying energy of the coinciding events is, you surely will have a small epiphany. Things are usually simpler than they appear - so make sure you don't read a huge drama into every little coincidence !
Whilst embarking on the journey of beginning to recognize coincidences, you've already stepped into the commitment and exercise to expand your awareness (kind of nifty, that it all works out so easily, isn't it ?) So no great rituals needed, no hours and hours of chants and aching joints from the lotus position ... Simply open your eyes to your own experience of reality, yes it is YOUR reality and yours alone, and begin to experience the kool things that the Universe has in store for you. Yeah, of course, also the not so kool things... but still our own creation.
It can be overwhelming to think that the world we individually experience is our own creation. You'd probably think somewhere along the line of "no way !" "It's not my fault this world is in the state it is!" "I haven't lived that long and things were bad before I was born" ... Yet, I hate to disappoint you - you are in part responsible for what you experience. The state of the world is exactly the manifestation of ALL creations combined. Chaotic ? YES! ... very chaotic. Am I personally holding you responsible, or even blaming you for the state of affairs here ? No, of course not, I leave that up to each individual to find the right amount of emotion that would entice one to move into a different frame of mind - nothimg more, nothing less.
It can become overwhelming to think that one is even remotely responsible for the chaos on Earth. Yet, it is so, each single individual is playing his or her part. Don't worry, it's not up to me to point out to you, what exactly you are responsible for. All I am saying is that each person is responsible for their own creation and create we all do, whether we are aware of it or not. That may lead to questions like: "what about the children? Are they responsible too for their creations ?" Yes ! they are, their adults however are responsible to create an environment in which the children can remain who they are, keep their hearts open and free of indoctrination of how everything is supposed to work and then, we might even have a chance to see new creations to come forth for future generations. Of course each set of parents will see their children mimic and take on things that they see done around them. They will however base everything on the lens that they brought along and if left to develop their very own sense of self, based on compassion, love and heart energy, it doesn't take a lot of imagination to see that the world could eventually change for the better.
The responsibility I am talking about is the responsiblity of self and as an adult, it is high time to embrace this concept, anchor it and live accordingly. For some people with wildly dramatic experiences in their lives, that make them feel like the eternal victims, this step into responsibility for oneself may be a very difficult one. It would constitute of a total change in thought pattern and I am aware that it isn't achieved over night. Now, in this moment however, it is a very good moment to begin to embrace the magnitude of this responsibility. I don't feel like it's up to me to put a burden onto any one person here, but it is a pivotal concept on this journey and without it, we keep playing the point and blame game over and over, thus never feeling moved enough towards changing anything in our lives and our world(s).
Here, the idea of meditation comes in handy again. Start slowly, give yourself time to absorb the magnitude of what this responsibility for oneself is all about. You will notice areas that you cannot embrace as yours, cannot integrate as "I did this- or - I am doing this every day" I would like to point out that I am very certain that each experience in your life each impression you glean from this world is nothing BUT your own creation and for that you are fully responsible and accountable to yourself alone. A word of warning here, once you embrace this responsibility and live accordingly, life will possibly become very dull and boring, for the addictive thing called "Drama" will fall away. I have lived a life filled with lots and lots of drama. I was a drama junkie - my long time friends will most certainly confirm this. I have experienced what I call the pinnacle of drama... and have returned to an (almost) drama free life. Even if drama plays out, I do not feel it to the depth of what it could be any longer. That is mainly because I look at what my creation is and take responsibility which is as easy as admitting to myself that "yes, ok, duh! not such a cool creation, but mine, nevertheless!"
People with a certain amount of consciousness will at this point feel very drawn to make changes, but may not really know how. A friend of mine put it very simply this morning: "If you treat people nicer, they tend to react nicer too"... Yes ! that's it - "begin to live and be the change that you would like to see in the world" (seen on umpteen bumper stickers) or - "The Universe WILL Rearrange Itself in Order to Prove your Beliefs" (seen on one bumper sticker so far, but found it to be very fitting).
These are not pat statements, but age old truth that has been taught by various wisdom traditions on this planet. The belief that when treating people nicer they will respond nicer is exactly creating a more desirable experience.
True, positive thinking may change some things in your life. Affirmations may train you to use more positive thoughts in your life overall. Have you tried all that positive thinking and are still experiencing less than positive things in your life ? Well, I have. I've been so positive that I felt almost sticky, it was so sugary sweet! It had a taste of "unreal" and just didn't yield the results that I was hoping for. At least not on a deep level. Yes, given, some things turned out better after I had begun thinking positive thoughts, but the underlying essence of my experiences had remained the same. That lead me to believe that "positive thinking" just isn't IT in the nutshell. It's not quite that easy, I'm afraid and of course you could not say: "well, that's your belief and that's how your experience forms." I'd have to agree with you, but not quite in the way you've meant it. I can wholeheartedly have the thorough belief that positive thoughts will alter my life to a more positive experience and still experience things less than stellar. That's probably one of the moments when skeptics donate the books on positive thinking to the library and go on with their lives based on "reality" ...or whatever.... I'm not that way, I see something not working out the way I had understood it should and that turns me into a person with OCD - I will not give up until I found the flaw... and I believe to have found the "flaw" at least for my own life.
There could be a few reasons why my positive thinking didn't yield the desired results:
a) I wasn't thinking strongly enough or positively enough b) this concept is a bunch of BS and it is not how it works c) the negativity of the "field" consciousness of the rest of the people is hampering my own creations d) I may not be conscious of every one of my thoughts/beliefs and thus may miss the bigger picture
I am sure you'd come up with some more reasons...
Anyways, here my short answers
a) i'm pretty focused when I want to be, so strength or level of positivity should not be the problem b) I've seen this concept of positivity work too often for minor things to know that the concept is sound (probably too sound !) c) yes, easy way out - blame others ! ... tried that, didn't work ... there is something to be said for mass consciousness, but that's for another post - so for c) yes, in part...but not exclusively... d) now here lies the problem in my opinion and I am only speaking for myself here. Yes! there may be beliefs that are so deep and ingrained that I am not even aware of them. They may even be imbedded in the DNA - a genetic thing, something that my forebears did, believed and experienced for generations ...
I am not saying that the ancestors are now to be blamed - I generally try not to blame anyone other than myself for my own experience. However, ancestral traits and beliefs can be tricky to deal with and recognize, for they are so deeply set in your make-up of who you are, that you may not feel that they are touchable, let alone changeable. I have broken with ancestral traditions like alcoholism ... after having been an alcoholic for a number of years in my 20s... Therefore I know that certain genetic traits and dispositions can be altered. It is hard work (or so I believe !!!!!) to do that - Yay! caught one - that belief is really common to the Swiss people and I remember my parents uttering such things: It's hard work, but you can do it if you apply yourself!
See, until this very moment, I didn't really know of this particular belief and here it is - I'm looking for it, focusing my attention on finding beliefs that are deeply ingrained and through that intent I open up my perception to actually see one (or a few more...) So, what to do now with that belief. First I let it be - it's here - it's shaped my life in oh so many ways - Yes, I've had to work HARD for these difficult things... I bet if my ancestry had been Italian for example I would have experienced a life of less work and more play. I'm actually pretty certain of that assumption. Of course, I'm now not going to blame a) my parents, b) my other ancestors, c) all Swiss people ... NOR d) myself. I'm skipping that step - hopping right over it - it doesn't matter what caused it, what matters is that I'm seeing it and that's a great feeling.
I let review pass and can see that this belief, which is very ingrained in my being, in my DNA, in every cell of my body has shaped my world and the experiences it provided. Yes, there are feelings of regret that I had to experience hardship that way - silly really to have such a belief when I'm supposed to be able to create my own world. I could think of a few beliefs that would be suitable to replace this one. But before I'm going to just toss this one out and replace it with something else, I want to go see what good this belief has done for me. I can come up with some things like: It provided me with an excellent work ethic (Swiss style!) and has taught me integrity, conscientiousness, sincerity ... and a few more things... not too shabby in my opinion. I think it is very important to see one pivotal gift this belief has provided. Without it, I would never be able to recognize the polar opposite of "EASY"... or "effortless"...something of that sort. I do mean to point out very clearly, that each and every experience, every belief be it the darkest thing you could imagine holds in its energy the potential of the polar opposite. So if I held the belief of "hard", holding the belief of "easy" is in fact effortless ... it's a wee shift in believing -
The beauty of all this is, even if you think it's really hard, even if that's your core belief for many things - the actual shifting is very easy, it comes automatically with the recognition of what is going on, it comes at the moment of "epiphany" or realization - and it's here to stay, unless you prefer the old - Free will choice here.
I've got big dreams for this blog - I have the vision to see it go viral - one day! - It's actually a really big wish of mine.I've thought about this wish for a number of days now and the one most hindering belief has reared it's head. It shouts out at me now whenever I feel this urge to wish for my blog to be read world wide. (11 countries and counting!) It tells me: "Nobody listens to me anyways".
Since I'm following my innermost guidance every day with my posts I am not going to shirk away from this journey now. I'm really committed to write whatever comes through me ! Well, I got the message yesterday afternoon, that I am to document how I travel through the steps of turning this belief into it's polar opposite to then see what comes of my wish (creation) about this blog going viral...Yikes! I'm really a private person. I'm really uncomfortable to a degree to share my inner work with the world but hey, if that's what it takes to reach my goal, then so be it -
I have known for a very long time, that part of my innermost make up is to share things through communication. I was born when the sun was almost half way into the sign of Gemini - 13 ° (for the Astrologers among you) - That's a position of very little "cusp" (adjoining signs and influences) anywhere for my sun - It's Gemini for certain! The ruling planet of Gemini is Mercury - Hermes is associated to this image as well. Hermes, the winged messenger !...MESSENGER.... yes that's who I am when I ask myself: Who am I? (the question to ask to see what your sun sign tell you.... ). Another word for this would be "Troubadour" - My personal Aura Soma Bottle that hasn't changed in decades is Green over Purple - containing the bottle Blue over Blue, which is the Throat Chakra Bottle, the Communication Bottle. I have signs in my life all over the place that confirm this one thing - I am to tell things with words - I am to bring a message. (Don't worry, I will not get into gospels of any kind now.)
You see, communication is vital for me. Now imagine this vital need for communication being met with the experience of "nobody listens to me". Pretty dismal set-up in my opinion.
It began really early in my childhood, where I wanted to share what I saw in my world. The one continous message I received from my mother in particular was: "You and your imagination!" - I think on some level, she meant to enforce in me, that imagination is a good thing and that I should possibly use it for creativity ... but soon, it became something that felt like: "please be quiet (or shut up !), I am tired of hearing about this" - So around age 4, I quieted down and kept things to myself. It was safer that way. The belief that nobody (at 4 mom is "everybody" after all!) listens or wants to hear what I have to say took hold. It was strong, because it went against who I truly was. A Gemini who doesn't talk ?... Give me a break!
Oh, I talked alright, just not about what I felt was important, to me, to the people around me. I felt weird, an outsider, outcast even. The glasses I received at age 10 didn't help much either. Of course, today I can see that the experience of being weird, an outsider, outcast is but a reflection of how weird, outside of my own true nature I was, that my world had to show it to me every day. I had outcast myself by not being true to who I am! As I look back into my childhood, I see that I reinforced my creation of "Nobody listens" each time somone didn't care to stick around to hear my tales ... These incidents are many and painful for me, but they are what drove the initial belief deeper and deeper. I can see how it formed me into a person I really wasn 't. (a person nobody wanted around).
As I review this part of my life, I can see that there was one person who listened to me when I was 15. He was fascinated with what I had to say and I instantly fell in love with him - go figure, he listened! To this day, he listens and is a very dear friend of mine. So there was the exception to my rule - a gem in a troubadour's wasteland. I am filled with gratitude for the hours spent musing and talking with this dear soul.
So I let my mind wander through my youth and see that many things were painful, many things were really quite wrong, but whenever I was about to despair (I did mention that I was quite dramatic once?) there would be someone put in my path who could give me that little bit I craved in order to go on. I think I was quite depressed most of my teens and this may very well have been a core reason why.
I do not believe that going through each painful incident is necessary. I experience that looking at the essence of what went on is good enough. So for today, I will end my post with these conclusions:
- I hold the belief of "Nobody listens to what I have to say". - I take responsibility for having created life long experiences to confirm this belief, thus reinforcing the belief. - I take responsibility that my (somewhat ongoing) experience of being weird and outcast is a direct reflection of my not being true to who I am at my core. - I acknowledge the positive traits that have been born through this experience, which are that I have come to believe that at the darkest point, I am granted a bit of light to carry on. When I look further, I see that ultimately, it has given me the trait of being able to keep things to myself, despite a great urge to share. - I acknowledge that having experienced the "penultimate" pinnacle of "I am not who I am", I may potentially lead to the full realization of who i truly am. - I know that this belief holds the full potential of "Everybody listens to what I have to say" (some fear here I admit) and subsequently will align me with who i truly am - a Troubadour.
Today, I feel that the grip my belief has had on me for so long has loosened a great deal. Recognition, the point of becoming aware is half the battle. Today, I am embarking on exploring what it feels like to don the cape of "Everybody listens to me" - It's new territory. It's the unknown and it does hold some energy that I feel is important to look at, so I will do that here "live" so to speak.
I sit here, letting the thoughts wander to this belief so 180° from what I had believed for so long. I look at it, steady, tip toeing close to it, backing off again - approaching it again. There is reluctance. I am observing that this new belief towards which I am trying to evolve, holds fear. I realize that although the old belief has hindered me in many ways, it has also become a safe place, an excuse so to speak. This is a moment when the "what if" is allowed - so I muse over what if it were so that I experienced that everybody listened to me.
It feels to me, that that idea carries a whole lot of responsibility that I would have to take on and as I look deeper, I find a rather childish belief that is attached here. It says: "when people listen, they automatically embrace what they hear". My adult mind says: "not necessarily!"... every person can listen, yet still decide to walk away from what they have heard. The only responsibility that is there, is that they cannot unhear what I have said. So there is the element of influencing others. I'm realizing that by not speaking what is in my mind, by not bringing out the words that want to be shared, I am equally responsible for all those who potentially wanted to hear what I would have to say - hmmmm.... It boils back down to "you're responsible no matter what" ... ok !... i can live with that.
Again, I approach this new belief - tip toe closer in my mind, check for hang-ups, check for sensations that arise within. The fear I felt initially is gone. (yes, it's that easy to work through fear, it took but seconds, drama is absolutely superfluous).
I am finding myself wearing the belief of "Everybody listens to me" like a thin cloak. The energy feels really good. It infuses me with strength, with resolve to keep telling my tales. There is a sweetness to embracing this new belief, it has a feel of "right" to it. It's rather difficult to describe. It feels as if certain bits in my energetic make up just found a counterpart, connected and are thus energized, activated perhaps. That sounds really sci-fi, doesn't it ? - well possibly it is. These bits are deep within each cell. It's a guess, but I believe I've just touched upon my own DNA and altered it. I can't be sure, but somehow, if you asked me how altering DNA would feel, I could imagine describing it this way. In the 80s, I believe the word for this process was "integration" and back then it took months to years to accomplish, what I am doing here in mere minutes.
This increase in speed with which things can change, is the absolute blessing in this decade. There is no suffering in this process. It is easy, based on clear and heartfelt intent and mere thought impulses. However, I did make sure to feel the fear, to experience the sensation of the new belief, as it dawned in my system. It is not merely a thing for the mind alone. All senses are involved. It's really a holistic process, that touches upon all levels.(spiritual, mental, emotional and physical). One question remains: what will the ripple effect and new creation of this change bring into my world?
PS: My training has influenced me to seek balance. I am aware that the stark opposite belief is not a point of balance. Whenever I try on the belief of "some people will listen, some people won't" however, it feels wrong. I am also aware, that I may fall flat on my face with my "Everybody listens" belief, but for some reason, this is where I'm going at this point in time. As easy as creating this new connection was, I am certain when the time comes to alter or adjust this new belief, I will know and be able to react to what I experience in my world.
After going through the exercise to change my personal belief yesterday, I've taken the day to focus on other things. I wasn't diving into the depths of my belief systems at all. By the evening, I had to realize that even though I didn't have many people actively listen to me, because I wasn't around that many people mainly, I didn't feel that those I had been around, had actively not listened to me. This morning I touched upon that belief structure and tried to see whether I had potentially created something wildly out there like "Everybody....". Lo and behold what I could see is a balanced belief of "I'm ok and some people (the people who are drawn to me) will listen and others won't, but that is ok this way." What a very relaxed sort of sensation ! It was more like it is a non-issue now, when before it definitely was an issue. I focus today again on my wish to see this blog take off and go around the world and in my mind's eye, I cannot perceive any visible obstacles. One day! ... It's exciting.
I have meditated this morning and let my essence tap into information that is really "out there". There were such exciting ideas, potentials to be tapped on a global scheme, that I have a hard time waiting, but alas, I received information that the time isn't quite right to bring what I saw into reality. I will keep blogging until the day, that time comes - and beyond. I feel however, that certain topics need to be addressed before that time.
One of the things I have explored recently is the absence of conscious creation. Before starting into the adventure of writing this blog, I had just not had any concrete idea of what I could focus on, so I had decided to focus on "nothing" and just lived my day to day life almost mechanically. There just wasn't a wish in my heart that I felt was worth wishing for. Perhaps, I admit, I was just too scared to reap what I would sow. Well - that in fact is a given in this universe. The reaping... The sowing may be conscious or unconscious or it may be conscious abstinence from sowing, but the reaping remains.With that metaphor, when you don't sow anything into the fertile soil of creation, what will you reap ? - Exactly ! Nothing! ... That nothingness I reaped was a sense of stagnation, boredom and yes, also a sense of freedom from responsibility, which felt quite relaxing at times. These sensations/emotions had prevailed for a few months now and I guess boredom won ! I am now ready to create again, as consciously as possible - just to run into more silly, hindering belief patterns that I can smooth out and set right. The "work" involved now is however perceived almost as play and that's more fun than reaping nothing.
How so, I've mused, did the framework of my world not collapse onto itself when I created nothing ? How did I still move around in and experience a world, my world, similar to that of others? There are the same politicians, there are the same celebrities, there are the same pop-songs and oldies ... you know - that world we share. Oh, we share a world! ... ok. So only parts of my experience are actually manageable and changeable by myself. I'm a great soloist - I don't do groups !... hmmm.... dang! - Roadblock!
It appears that some of the world that we experience is a group-thing. The word mass-consciousness comes to mind here. Of course, this concept isn't entirely new to me, I've been havng you on a bit. I am actually fully aware, have been for a time, that group work holds far more power than solo work. I have a fair understanding that it takes mass consciousness to shift before we all can live in a better world. The problem in that is, that each individual may have a different idea of what constitutes a "better world" - Bottom line here would be to get a lot of people on one page. First, get a lot of people to even wish for a better world - perhaps there are quite a few, but enough to consciously try and shift consciousness at the same time, to solve their individual inner blockages and belief systems, so that they can ?
That is a tall order, but it does somehow link into my wish of this blog to go viral, now doesn't it ? - I like great challenges, I like the "impossible" just to find out that it wasn't impossible at all and most of all... I am really, really tired of living in this world when we all could have a better one. I am tired of spending a lot of energy and effort on putting band-aids on a greater problem, of solving the outer problems, when the core is ailing - I want to follow the homeopathic direction of cure, from within to without in order to achieve this lofty goal and I invite you to invite people who are equally tired of the state of this world to read this blog, as I gather momentum here, as I follow what is before me, one day at a time, one step at a time, to the potential fulfillment of creating a massive consciousness shift that will create a better world for all.
The other day, I've demonstrated on the blog how to "heal" a belief that had manifested for decades in my system. It took me a couple of days to catch on what exactly took place. I believe to have come to the conclusion. To sum it up again, I had first become aware of this belief that no longer serves me. It was in and of itself allowed, had a purpose, I understood why I had kept it alive. However, it also was extreme and locked me down in an unhealthy fashion. It did not allow me to be who I am in essence, therefore it was causing a subtle form of dis-ease. (well, not so subtle at times!)...
This means that the belief I had held was the core of this particular disease. According to homeopathic principles, in order to heal, this would have to be matched with something similar - or the exact opposite. (Samuel Hahnemann, §22, the Organon).
In nature, the exact opposite of the totality of a person's symptoms is often so very hard to determine, that homeopathy has found it easier and more successful to focus on "Like cure's Like", on finding a substance (energy) to produce a similar symptom. When we deal with thought forms (energies of the mind) with beliefs, we are fully able to find the exact opposite! (how exciting) and thus the creation of the exact opposite belief did not propel me into the abyss of the opposite (equally diseased) state, but balanced my energies (belief) out to leave behind a healthy state.
That is true transformation, not the various "band-aid techniques" that cover up the actual problem for a while. True transformation is here to stay. Once achieved, it does not revert back to the old "groove" again. It will remain balanced. With this true transformation, I have also done something far greater for myself. It was an act of self-love to free myself from a belief that no longer serves a purpose. This form of self-love is altruistic, it isn't ego-driven. It is just a simple, quiet form of: "I love you, you deserve a better experience, you are worth way more than you believe!" This form of self-love opens the heart with a very quiet "click", lets the heart energy pour forth that has been held there for so long (yes since childhood, where we were like that naturally).
As I type these words, my heart is open, my love for my existence is flooding through my physical body and beyond. It isn't a moment of self-aggrandizement, for it holds the knowledge that with this open heart, with this flood of wonderfully sweet energy flowing through me, I reach out beyond the limits of my physical expression into the energies of everything (and everyone) that is around me. And I mean EVERYTHING. This heart energy, this love is impersonal, it is universal. It is what creates, it is what brings the awareness of the connection with all that is. Not just empty words, but palpable intertwining with ALL that is - yes, ALL! - yes, beyond this earth too - into our galaxy, into further galaxies beyond that - and you will see that there is no end to love - it permeates ALL and brings the understanding of oneness.
If you have already had such experiences, you know what I am talking about. If these words bring such an opening of your heart to you, revel in it - I mean, this is your chance to do some "cheap wellness"... no massage needed, no mudpack on your face, no scrub down of your physical body, no hours meditating, no "pretzel poses" in fancy yoga classes ... just love - simple, huh? It raises one pivotal question for me - if it feels this good, if it rejuvenates us this much, why don't we focus on it more often? Like daily ?...
It raises more questions still - if we are connected like this through the energy of love, if we ARE one, if we ARE this large ...yes it's a lot to embrace!... then why don't we apply it to bringing the changes we seek? (Assuming that we don't, well I know I don't always, I am human too, I know I keep sometimes forgetting that I am that large, hey such is the illusion of physical experience.) What I do know is that in this love, in this energy lie infinite possibilities - anything goes.
Some of you may not have experienced the exhilarating rush of this energy, you may say: that's a bunch of New Age Quackery - well, It's not. The rush of this energy comes when you intend to live in your heart, it takes but that, a simple aware intention of: "I wish to reside in my heart". The universe will then present you rather swiftly with all the obstacles that you still have to overcome (and there may be none!) before you can actually reside in your heart full time. Don't despair, it's not going to be "whomps, here is your baggage" an all-in-one dump of obstacles - they do come one by one, most often and are never more than you can manage. So if you are presented with a lot, with a big obstacle, you have to take solace in knowing that it is EXACTLY as much as you are able to handle. If you feel that it is more than you can handle, your view of yourself may be somewhat distorted.